I do not regret having my first child at a later stage in my life. In fact, I am grateful for the experiences and life I have led up until this point, but that independent, somewhat schedule-ized life has been tossed upside down with the birth of my son. Things that I thought would come naturally didn’t, things I thought might be challenging weren’t, things I thought I would get done aren’t, and the realization that I don't always know what’s going on or how to ‘fix’ it has been eye opening. I walked into motherhood confident, thinking ‘piece of cake’ – I’ll be a natural at it! But I have to say I’ve been humbled by the experience.

I was prepared for the exhaustion during the early weeks but not prepared for the struggle breastfeeding gave us. I was prepared for the crying but not prepared to stay calm when it just wouldn’t stop. I was prepared to ‘get things done’ but not prepared for being unsuccessful in completing those tasks. I was prepared for my priorities to change but not prepared for the enormity of this claim. I was prepared to watch the developmental changes in my son but not prepared for the excitement I felt each time he did something new. I was prepared to feel love just not this much love!

Early on after his birth, I did what I could to limit any cabin-fever or post partum blues. I made a conscious effort to get out of the house at least once a day, whether just to walk around the block or take a quick trip to the store. I’ll be honest though, some days I never got out of my nursing pajamas (who would want to when it’s 40 degrees and raining) and breastfeeding issues sent me into uncontrollable crying fits (why isn’t this working!). But I found that one thing that could refresh and recharge my spirit. For me it wasn’t about sleeping when the baby slept but rather taking a refreshing hot shower – I was a completely different person after one of those.

Now that we are comfortable in our daily routine, I make sure to find stimulating and social activities throughout the week for my son (and myself), whether it means sitting at the coffee shop (he loves to watch people), going to storytime at the library, ‘working out’ at The Little Gym, going for a walk to the park or the beach, or meeting up with other moms and babies for playdates. We strive to stay busy as I try to expose my child to as many different learning environments as I can. With its ups and downs, motherhood is a new experience for me every day (as I’m sure any other mother will attest to). And while my daily expectations of ‘getting things done’ are still high, I am easily swayed from those tasks to sit on the floor with my son and watch him play and learn and experience life as a 6 month old, and I don’t feel guilty about it.  

PS - Being somewhat new to the area (3+ years) our arsenal of friends and family nearby is quite small. I didn’t necessarily want a lot of extra help (because I didn’t expect to need any) but I did not realize how in need of a conversation with another mom I would be! I was so grateful to have signed up for a PEPS (Program for Early Parent Support) group before I knew what I needed. Spending time with moms going through many of the same issues and being able to bounce ideas and thoughts off them was sanity-saving (just ask my husband).